I saw a bumper sticker yesterday and immediately honked a long one.........and then opted to adopt it as my own personal slogan. 

•  Sweet (grrrr) 85-year-old Mother-In-Law banged right leg on flower pot and ignored the GAPING, FESTERING, and otherwise ugly black wound for 4 weeks before finally telling/showing me. 

  Just like she did LAST YEAR with the other leg!!  This is not a good thing.  We’re probably talking surgery & rehab here.  Again.  And daily trips to the other edge of the earth where her hospital is located.

•  ”THE KID” got a divorce and his mom -- having a large clue about the emotional roller coaster he's currently riding -- worries, worries, worries about him constantly. 
        -No.  He doesn’t call very often.
          -Yes.  I understand that it’s none of my business.
          -No.  It doesn’t stop me from being concerned while keeping my mouth firmly shut.
          -Yes.  He is a devoted dad and hangs out with his children frequently.  Thank GAWD.
          -No.  I am not angry with his ex.  I love her.

•  The price of gas is forcing me to seek employment.  I believe I might find time to work between the hours of 2 a.m. and 6 a.m. on rainy Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.  Now if only I can find a dealer who sells Meth on one of those "90-days-to-pay" bases.........

•  My insurance company kicked my doctor off their list of “preferred” physicians.  Choices for a new doctor do not include anyone whose name I can pronounce.  (I’m seriously thinking foreign conspiracy here........anybody with me on this?)

• The prices of groceries and kitty litter have risen beyond zebra.  See bullet about price of gas above.  So now I live on peanut butter and my cat is constipated.

•  I looked out the kitchen window and spied approximately 47 Mexicans climbing around in two lovely old Toad Hall Oak Trees and one stinky Toad Hall Ginko Tree.  Somewhut alarmed, I dashed outside to ask “WHY?”  Seems the power company sent them to trim limbs away from the lines.  
   
   After I pointed out that the trees were not even CLOSE to any live power lines, the Mexicans retreated.  Still, I ponder:   Whut if I hadn’t been HOME?  Hay-suse!  I’d have naked trees!

•  That old damnable bastard -- Arthur Itis -- is causing my thumbs to scream with pain this summer.  And not be able to open important things like JIF and Chapstick.

•  My face continues relentlessly to slide off my skull as I age.   But if I paint all my mirrors black, I won't be able to tweeze those silly little eyebrow hairs that keep wandering down to my chin.

    By now you are probably thinking, "Holy Shidt!  Isn't there any GOOD news from Toad Hall?"

    Well, it just so happens that there is!  At the psychological age of 116, I still have all of my very own teeth.

    See?
 

    This is just too fascinating (not to mention incredibly annoying) not to share.  Even if I really hate to fly these days, I still find that driving my car is occasionally a necessity, as I choose to live out here at the edge of the earth. 

    In fact, sharing this informative piece of prose might even be worth getting smacked with a fine.  (As long as it is not so steep that it takes food from the mouths of my critters.)

    Yeah, yeah -- it's kinda' long.  But read it anyway, goddammit!

Posted: 2008-07-10 07:51:51

ATLANTA (July 10) - The chief executive officers of a dozen O.S. airlines, beset by record fuel costs that have caused several to cut jobs, reduce capacity and impose higher fees on customers, are now asking for their customers' help to curb the rise of oil prices.

They have co-signed a letter being sent to frequent fliers of their respective carriers, asking customers to contact Congress about the problem of market speculation, which they believe is driving up the price of oil.

"This pain can be alleviated, and that is why we are taking the extraordinary step of writing this joint letter to our customers," the letter states. A copy was received by The Associated Press on Wednesday.

Lawmakers have cited the problems high fuel prices cause airlines, trucking companies, farmers and consumers in calling for restrictions on speculative trading.

Northwest Airlines Corp. Chief Executive Douglas Steenland urged lawmakers in June to close loopholes that allow traders to dodge O.S. speculation limits by trading on foreign exchanges or through over-the-counter transactions.

"Our highest priority is to tackle the overall price of fuel which is now 40 percent of our cost pie," Steenland told lawmakers. "Addressing excessive speculation is the most immediate remedy Congress could deliver."

The letter from the airlines acknowledges that oil prices are partly a response to normal market forces, prompting a need for the country to focus on increased energy supplies and conservation.

"However, there is another side to this story because normal market forces are being dangerously amplified by poorly regulated market speculation," the letter says.

The letter says speculators buy up large amounts of oil and then sell it to each other again and again. The price goes up with each trade and consumers pick up the final tab. Some market experts estimate that current prices reflect as much as $30 to $60 per barrel in unnecessary speculative costs, the letter says.*

    *(The AP didn't bold & underline this part -- *I* did that.)

It adds that regulations established decades ago by Congress to control excessive market speculation have been weakened or removed over the years.

"We need your help," the letter to customers says. "Get more information and contact Congress."

It is signed by the CEOs of Northwest Airlines, AirTran Airways, Alaska Airlines, American Airlines, Continental Airlines, Delta Air Lines, Hawaiian Airlines, JetBlue Airways, Midwest Airlines, Southwest Airlines , United Airlines  and US Airways.

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press.

Other earth shaking news just in:

    In Belmar, New Jersey, it is no longer illegal to flip the bird at people on the beach.

    Hmmm.  At least free speech isn’t being speculated..........

    The biggest mistake I ever made in my youth was not aspiring to be a television weatherman.  Uh....weatherwoman.  Weatherperson?  Oh hell with it.  Whutever.

    The thing is....these people get paid even when they're WRONG. 

    I'd planned to attend a service this afternoon -- a celebration of Russ's life -- but it didn't rain.

    Last night, the weatherman SWORE that it would rain today.  This morning, he didn't exactly admit he lied, but he predicted rain for tomorrow, instead.

    (Well, DRAT.  You know whut just occured to me?  I always swore that I wasn't gonna sit around and bitch about the weather in my old age.  Apparently, you can color me officially old.  Sigh.)

    Anyway, instead of celebrating the life of a friend in the cool indoors with rain on the roof, I am here.  Taking a short break from mowing out there in the sunshine -- where it feels like it might be 97.5 degrees. 

    Because it didn't rain.

    I love ya, Russ -- but I know you understand.  There's nearly four, tall, green acres out there that require tending in the sunshine.

    And the weatherman still swears it's gonna rain tomorrow.  I dasn't delay further!

    I'll be thinking about you,*  okay? 

    *In between (1) being disgruntled with the weather dude, and (2) wondering if all the farmers since time began haven't spent the majority of their days wishing, as I do, that they'd become weatherpersons instead.

    But I won't be singing.

    Because disgruntlement rocks, but doesn't rain.  At least not today.

    This entry dedicated to an excellent graphic artist, friend, co-worker, and all-round unbelievably nice guy.

    Can you imagine yourself fighting a rare type of cancer for 14 years, undergoing uncountable surgeries, chemotherapy, and radiation treatments, losing your right arm, and still managing to keep your wits about you.....as well as never hesitating to share a divinely wry sense of humor with everyone around you?

    Neither can I.  But I know it can be done because that's precisely what Russ did.   Until a couple days ago... when he was finally allowed to rest in peace.

    Here's to you, Russell Grimes -- and to your wife Pattie (whom I call Wonder Woman for a hundred good reasons) -- and to all the rest of us who were lucky enough to have known you.  A tip of the O'Toole hat....today and always.  Enjoy your new universe, free of pain and exhaustion at last.

   
    Peculiar, isn't it, how some stuff just gets in your head and sticks there forever?  Until something else comes along and dislodges or rearranges it?

    That's pretty much how I am about July.

    Even though my mother was born & partially raised a Tennessee Belle, she always was extremely particular about grammar and pronunciation.  She did not speak "suthuhn" with only two exceptions that I can recall.  She said "Sayer-dy" for "Saturday" and "Sundy" for Sunday.

    In any case, as kids tend to do, I spoke the way I heard my parents speak.  Thus, I grew up pronouncing the name of this particular month as Ju-LY.

    And, for the better part of my life I never gave July any credit at all -- it was a heathen and indecent summer month that generally turned out to be hotter than the hinges of hell, regardless of where we lived at the time.  Since I am chock full of fair-skinned genes from Ireland, Scotland, Wales & England -- possessing a complexion similar to the "chicken under plastic" that you see in the grocery -- I truly despise hot weather and hot sun.  It is most unkind to me in that it (1) burns me to a crisp and (2) sudks all the energy and gumption from my very soul.

    But then 1989 came along and the original six-night TV series "Lonesome Dove," from the novel by Larry McMurtry, aired on television.  You know -- the one with Robert Duvall and Tommy Lee Jones -- not that other series that came out later.  (Never watched the latter version, because hey!  Who could possibly improve upon perfection?)

    Gawd!  I liked that movie so dammed much that I bought the Video the day it came out, and later purchased the DVD. 

    I liked that movie so dammed much that I developed an ENORMOUS crush on Robert Duvall. 

    I liked that movie so dammed much that I bought it for "my-brother-the-cowboy" who rarely watches anything at all and foisted it upon him mercilessly, thereby converting him to a "Lonesome Dove" fanatic as well.

    And I liked that moved so dammed much that every July I wake up thinking about it, and end up watching it again before the month is over.

    I never say "Ju-LY" anymore.  I always say "JOO-ly."

    Because, after seeing Chris Cooper play the role of Sheriff JOO-ly Johnson, nothing else sounds right anymore.

    Thanks, Larry McMurtry. 

    Thanks, Chris Cooper.

    In my estimation, y'all did a fine, fine thing for the month of July.

Update:  Yessiree, Bob!  (Or Yessirree, Doahsdeer, as the case may be.)  Larry McMurtry's novel "Lonesome Dove" was even BETTER than the miniseries.  But in this unusual instance I saw the movie first and THEN devoured the book.  Which is good......because generally I prefer to read and never bother to watch/listen.  Had I not strayed from my norm in this case, I might never have learned how to pronounce Sheriff Johnson's first name!