Painful as it was, it's done. 

    Exhaustion rules after several days of (a) looking at every Vibe from here to Halifax, (b) talking  haggling with every car dealer from here to Halifax, and (c) spending hours at computer research on Kelley Blue Book, CarFax, AutoCheck, etc.

    Au revoir Batmobile.  I hope your new owner loves you as much as Lindsey (and I) did.

    The thing is, I wasn't at all keen on doing this.  But it was the right thing to do because

• mom-in-law had too much trouble getting in/out of the Firebird
• thought I should trade before I racked up any more mileage
• couldn't face another winter of rear-wheel drive -- too scarey!
• price of gas -- sheesh!
• young girls were always so bummed out when it was me instead of a young hunk driving
• taking 3 dogs & a cat 35 miles to a vet in a Firebird is NOT fun -- for them OR me
• those enormous airplane DOORS
• one simply cannot HAUL stuff in a sports car

    So my heart has a big crack in it, but I have a new car......

    ...that looks pretty much like everybody else's car.

    With a sunroof.

    I shall be back when I stop feeling like Oscar The Grouch.

•  Is it possible for a mathmatically challenged chick to be right and the IRS to be wrong?

    -I wouldn’t have thought so, but yeah!  With the help of  a lionhearted accountant to splain it to them.  I shall worship the LHA eternally......even if he DID call me while I was seeing the Urologist.  (Which is another story for another day.)

•  Could Wissh be successful at convincing Fifi not to buy a PT Cruiser?

    -Yep.  But not because it’s a “girl” car, per se.  I mean, I AM a girl.  (Just sayin’ -- or se-in, as the case may be.)   But a speed-impaired test drive (I stepped on the gas and nothing much happened) added to an amazingly insulting trade-in offer for the Firebird  (I almost slapped the guy) pretty much made it 3 strikes.

    
•   Did we FINALLY get some rain?

    -Boy Howdy!   We’ve had  TWO tidal waves this week!  Probably because I had places to go on those days.  I’m only complaining in a whisper though -- driving through cascades of pouring water beats the hell out of avoiding the Drought Police by sneaking out after nightfall to turn the hose on the Norway Maple, letting it run all night long,  and getting up at 0-dark-thirty to turn it off.

•   And incidentally, have the above-mentioned illegal activities rendered any payoff?

    -OH yeah!  Combined with several buckets of money that I gave the Tree Doc, my nocturnal crimes have been wildly successful!  The tree looks glorious!  Whoo HOO!

•  Gawd.  Many more "yesses" could force me to consider giving up curmudgeonly-ness for a less caustic countenance.  But would I be able to handle it?

    -Do NOT answer that, goddammit.

.....you could say I've got no sense.  And you'd be righter than rain.

    Here's the thing.  I drive a 1999 Batmobile.  It's beautiful, it's EVER so much fun to drive, goes like the wind, has a T-Top and only 58,000 miles on the odometer...which ain't half bad for a '99. 

    Plus -- Lindsey adored this car.

    BUT.  It's not so very practical....with me living out here at the edge of the earth and frequently needing to haul stuff home from the other edge of the earth.

    So I've been pondering on trading it in.

    Maybe on this one.....

  The Cruiser, at least, has a little style -- meaning it doesn't look
like every other car on the road these days. And it has real decent
cargo space.  And leg room in the back.  And four doors, which is
kinda' important when you have grands to pick up for Easter Dinners at
Mamaw's.  Best of all, it has rack & pinion steering, which totally
makes me wag.  Plus, maybe I could get some flames painted on the sides, huh?  That'd be fun!

    So I like the Cruiser.   But surprisingly, it doesn't get much
better gas mileage than the Batmobile.  Only 3 miles more around town,
even though it's a  4-cylinder-16-valve jobby.  And too, it's made in Mexico, which the U.S. might as well annex, but hasn't.  Yet.

    Okay, so then maybe instead, trade the Batmobile for this one.......

    The Vibe gets WAY better gas mileage than either the Batmobile or the Cruiser.  But it costs more and let's face it -- the style's nothing to write home about.  BOR-ing!  Still, it has even more cargo space than the Cruiser.  And it's a Pontiac.  Ever since they quit making Gremlins I've had this thing about Pontiacs, see?

    Sigh.  I'm trying SO hard to step out of character for just once in my life and do something practical.  Because it would be really smart to do that.

    But every time I look out the window and think of the Batmobile not being there any more, I get all sad & mopey.

    And then I think about the strange looks I get when I roar up in the Batmobile and get out and see all these young girls' faces drop three feet because they were expecting some hot, young & studly dude instead of an graying old hippie chick.

    And then I think about how Aidan the Pensive LOVES Fifi's car!

    And then I think about how lifting 50-pound sacks of dawg food up and OVER the back end to get it in the trunk is not something I'm gonna wanna to do forever.

    And THEN, every-once-in-awhile,  another  icky thought creeps in -- like how Lin's 1981 DeLorean is almost ready to drive again and is also impractical as hell for someone like me.  And how it's gonna hafta go, too.

    It's all revolving around and around in my head on an endless loop and I'm annoyed beyond zebra with thinking about it all -- and not being able to think of anything else. 

    And not being able to decide.

    If only this were 1902.  Then I could just get a horse. 

    But wait -- I'd still have to decide on which horse, wouldn't I?  Nevermind.

    Is there any point to all this indecisive rambling?   Well, only proof positive that I am an airhead in the first degree.

    But as for hauling out a hoard of "Blonde" jokes, forget it.  Because my hair's been every color but.

I LOVE you and I LOVE you!  Peace, laughter, success.  Forever and ever, amen!

    • 84-Year-Old Mom-In-Law Comes Through Surgery With Flying Colors!

    • Over-Sized Hot Tub Inches Closer To Finding New Home!

    • Accountant Offers Miniscule Ray of Hope for 2005 Tax Fudk-Up

    • Tree Doc Gives 100-Year-Old Norway Maple First Treatment

    • Rain Urgently Needed!

    • Sadie Gets Bloody Nose While Rooting For Mole

    • Angel Digs Three More Basements In Backyard While Rooting For Same Mole

    • Clean Dirt Needed (Again)

    • Dead Mole's Funeral Has Poor Turn-Out

    • Fifi O'Toole Laments "More To Do Than She Can Shake a Stick At" During Coming Week

    • Fifi O'Toole Deliriously Happy About New Pix of Indiana Grands!  (see below)

Christen.  Drop-dead gorgeous, isn't she?

Lowgie the Leprachaun

Maddie the Sweetheart

Yeah, yeah.  I know.  I always resort to photos of grands when (a) I'm brainless, and/or (b) I've got too goddamm much work to do and no time to write.  Still, you shouldn't complain.  Because NONE of my grands are hard to look at!  Right?  Right!

Later!

I must be better.  I feel too good to do nothing but not good enough to do anything.

Hence the billious color scheme.

Freezing.  Burning up. 

Headachy, stomach achy, ooky all over sick.

Who the hell gets the flu in summer, anyway?

And where, for godsakes?

Or maybe it's those goddammed antiobiotics. 

Or sun poisoning?  (That label on the meds says avoid prolonged sunlight...maybe I shoulda read it sooner.)

Missing beautiful days outside.

Not getting stuff done.  (Except for taking care of our critters.)

Just been wanting to sleep & drink Pepsi.

It's annoying.  It's hell.  I HATE being sick.

Must be getting better though.  Didn't growl at the guy who came and put a new (unbent) blade on the Sears mower.

And turned on computer for the first time in a few days.

Except I think I'll turn it off now...

Everybody send some "good health" vibes, please. 

Or come over personally and shoot me.

Either/or will do nicely.

If I knew then whut I know now......

  1.)  I’d have been EVER so much kinder to my knees and my hands.

  2.)  I’d have been the smartest young chick on the planet....

  3.)  ...and no one my age would have hung out with me because of my superior intelligence.

  4.)  I’d have asked for less and given more.

  5.)  Disclaimer to #4:  Except at work, where I habitually gave too much.

  6.)  I’d have been more courageous and less fearful about life in general.  And I'd have kicked that thing called "worry" in the shins.

  7.)  I’d never have let the bastards get me down.

  8.)  I wouldn’t have stayed married to Bozo the Clown for 13 years.  In fact, I wouldn’t have married him in the first place.  (Which would be a very BAD thing because then I would not have “Princess Prissy and THE KID.”  Or the four precious grands they’ve given me.)  

  9.)  I’d wouldn’t have tried so hard to be Super Woman or been so loathe to admit that I wasn’t.

10.)  I’d never have spent 30 years in a sleep-deprived state of existence.

11.)  I’d have said “no” (kindly but firmly) much more often when someone else’s request of me caused an enormous hardship.

12.)  I’d have realized that no one was ever gonna ask to eat off my floors....hence, less floor scrubbing.

13.)  I’d have forgiven my mother for her alcoholism much earlier in life.

14.)  Although I’ve always included an enormous variety of folks in my “circle of friendship,” I’d have made it even bigger and included lots more

15.)  And finally, if I had known then whut I know now, I wouldn’t have been me.  I’d have been someone else.  And hey!  Who knows if I even would’ve liked that person?  There are some things one just shouldn't mess with, see?  That's my story and I'm stickin' TO it.